Finding Ourselves Again: What a Child-Free Weekend Taught Me
Sometimes the greatest adventures aren't the biggest ones. After a rare child-free weekend, I discovered the importance of reconnecting with myself, strengthening my relationship, and letting go of the guilt that often comes with taking time away as a parent.
Steffani Baty
6/29/20265 min read
It seems like forever ago that I was childless. Back then, life felt carefree. I could make plans on a whim, sleep in if I wanted, and spend my weekends however I pleased. Then my son was born, and from that moment on, it felt like someone hit the fast-forward button on life.
Rarely do my partner and I get a child-free weekend. So when my parents offered to take my son for a week during his summer break, and the other kiddos were spending time with their mom, we decided to take advantage of this rare opportunity.
Our minds raced with all the possibilities. We imagined big adventures, road trips, and exciting plans. But funny enough, our weekend turned out completely differently than we expected. There were no elaborate vacations or large scale adventures. Instead, it became a weekend filled with small, intentional moments together. And somewhere in those little moments, I learned something I didn't expect.
Learning to Sit Still
The first few days were...interesting.
I missed my son more than I anticipated. He's been my little sidekick for eight years, so having him gone left me feeling strangely hollow. To be completely honest, I felt a little depressed at first. For so long, my days have revolved around him. Suddenly the chaos, the schedules, the snacks, the endless conversations, and the constant movement were gone. It was just me. And I realized I hadn't been alone with myself in a very long time. I started asking myself questions I hadn't thought about in years.
Who am I outside of being a mom?
What do I actually enjoy?
What hobbies have I always wanted to try?
What does sitting in complete silence with absolutely nothing to do even feel like?
That last question surprised me the most. Instead of feeling relaxed, I felt guilty. Guilty for sitting. Guilty for resting. Guilty for not checking something off my to-do list. Even lazy. As I sat with those feelings, I started wondering why I felt that way. I realized there is so much pressure placed on parents, especially moms, to constantly be doing something. Somewhere along the way, many of us begin believing that if we're taking care of ourselves, we're somehow taking away from our children. But that shouldn't be our reality. Parents are people too. We deserve peace. We deserve rest. We deserve hobbies, joy, and moments where we come first every once in a while. In fact, I truly believe those things make us better parents. When we take care of ourselves, we're able to show up more intentionally for our children. We become more patient, more playful, more loving, and more equipped to handle the hard moments that inevitably come with parenting.
Trying Something New Together
Our first date of the weekend was something I'd been wanting to try for a long time, a boxing class. As a female personal trainer, I'm constantly encouraging women, especially moms, to discover how empowering it feels to be strong. There's something incredibly confidence-building about learning what your body is capable of. For me, boxing represented more than just exercise. It was the idea of learning a new skill and feeling capable of protecting both myself and my child. My partner was definitely skeptical at first, but by the end of class he admitted he had a blast. We even got to spar with each other, which led to plenty of laughs once we got home. Was it challenging? Absolutely. If you don't have much cardio experience, prepare to work! Boxing is no joke. But it was also incredibly fun, and everyone in that room had once been a beginner. That's one of my favorite reminders whenever I'm trying something new.
Making Time for Myself
I also intentionally carved out some time that was just for me. I finally took advantage of the group fitness classes offered at my gym which was something I'd never really been interested in before. To my surprise, I loved them. The sense of community was wonderful. Some classes left me feeling energized and motivated, while others gave me the opportunity to completely slow down. The yoga classes became my favorite. They quieted my mind in a way I hadn't experienced in a long time. They even helped lift some of the sadness I had been feeling during those first few days without my son. I left each class feeling lighter, happier, and more at peace. Sometimes healing isn't about doing something huge it's simply giving yourself permission to breathe.
A Simple Date Night
For one of our evenings together, we drove into Seattle. We started with a stop at Zig Zag for a charcuterie board and a couple of martinis. We aren't big drinkers, but on the rare occasions we don't have the kids, it's fun to enjoy a drink together. Afterward, we wandered down by the waterfront, watching the sunset and taking our time. There was no rush to get home for bedtime routines or early alarms. We simply walked. Talked. Laughed. Then Eventually we made our way to Von's 1000 Spirits for dinner. If you're looking for a date night restaurant, I can't recommend it enough. The atmosphere was cozy, the drinks were creative, and the pasta was absolutely incredible. Sometimes the best dates aren't extravagant. They're just uninterrupted.
Falling in Love All Over Again
As the weekend came to an end, I realized something bigger than simply reconnecting with myself.
I had reconnected with my partner. Between work, parenting, sports, school events, appointments, and everyday responsibilities, life moves incredibly fast. And honestly, I wouldn't trade this season of life for anything. Being busy because we're raising our family is an incredible privilege. But every once in a while, it's important to slow down. To remember that before we were parents, we were partners. We laughed, we had uninterrupted conversations, we joked around, we held hands while walking through the city. It reminded me why we chose each other in the first place. Life is simply more fun together.
It's Okay to Take a Break
Having time away from your children can bring on a surprising amount of guilt. I think that's one of the unfortunate expectations society places on parents. Somehow we've been taught that taking time for ourselves is selfish. But I don't believe that's true. If you have trusted family your children can safely spend time with, it's a gift for everyone involved. Your children get to create memories with people who love them, they learn independence, they build relationships outside of you, and you get the opportunity to refill your own cup. Then, when everyone comes back together, there's a renewed appreciation for one another. This weekend reminded me that I am still me. I'm a mom. I'm a partner. I'm a personal trainer. I'm a writer. I'm someone who loves trying new things, moving my body, exploring new places, and simply sitting in silence every once in a while. Motherhood didn't erase those parts of me. It simply asked me to remember them. And I think that's something every parent deserves.